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How to begin your funerary speech?
Every beginning is difficult. And especially when it comes to a speech for a funeral or cremation. You only get one chance to do it, and it has to be good.
So how do you start your speech? Here are 5 tips to help.
And when you're done, submit your speech for personal feedback from the expert. That way, you're guaranteed a good story.
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5 tips that will definitely help you
Your beginning is the moment to connect. Between yourself and the people who are going to listen to you.
Therefore, these 3 tips:
Want to give the beginning of your speech even more power? Then do one of these 2 things:
And for a free online guide on the best structure for your funeral speech, click here (opens a new page).
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1. Write as you speak
Choose the words that suit you. The way you talk to people. That's the best way to get your message across. Do that from the start. Feel free to say 'hi' first when you've walked to the front to start your speech.
No fancy language
Sometimes someone suddenly starts talking very formally in a funeral speech. With fancy words, and 'you' instead of 'y'all'. Because they've been taught that's how it should be. But the people in the room feel that it's not quite right, and then they listen less well.
It doesn't have to be 'proper'
So try to write down your words as you would speak. Let go of the idea that it has to be 'proper' for a while. So if you read it to someone, it should sound like you're just saying it spontaneously. That also helps during the cremation or funeral.
2. Introduce yourself
You have people sitting in front of you at the funeral service. There are acquaintances there, but often also vague acquaintances or people you don't know. So introduce yourself briefly. That's not a bad thing for the people who know you either.
That introduction could be like this, for example:
- 'Good afternoon, my name is Steven and I am the youngest son of Albert and Geesje.'
- 'Hi, I'm Marlon, and Ina was my colleague in the kitchen for years.'
- 'My name is Tanya, and I'm here as Emmeke's bonus girlfriend.'
If you think everyone knows who you are, you shouldn't do it. Or if it feels very strange to say it. But it can just make a connection between you and the others. That ensures that they hear better what you are going to say.
3: Take people along calmly
Give yourself some time to land before you start talking. Don't say anything directly when you're behind the microphone. So sigh a few times. Drink a sip of water. Feel the tension drop a bit. That's how you start in peace.
Your audience needs that too. They want a few seconds to get used to who is standing in front of them. And it gives people peace of mind if they hear for a moment what you are going to do.
This is what the beginning of your speech might look like, for example:
Hello, my name is Sandra and I am a colleague of Gerrie. We have shared memories with colleagues about what she was like when she worked with us. I would like to share those with you.
Another 2nd example:
Hello, I'm Gerrit, the son of Frans. Frans asked me if I wanted to tell you something about his life. I am going to do that for you now.
Would you rather dive straight into the deep end? That is also a way to grab those present by the scruff of their necks. You can read how to do that in tip 4.
4. Dive straight into the deep end
You can also get straight to the point. That's how you attract attention directly. The condition is that you pronounce that first sentence clearly and calmly. If this suits you, it can be a good start to your funeral speech.
Just see how this comes across:
Just see how this comes across:
'Mom, if I'm no longer here, you're allowed to be sad. You said that to me about a month ago. You saw that I was pushing my tears away again.'
And if it suits you to use lines from a poem or a song, you can also start with that. For example:
'Everything of value is defenseless, but becomes rich through tangibility. I had to think about those words more and more in recent days when I was working on what I would like to say about Anton.'
If this suits you, you will also benefit from the tip to choose a common thread for your speech. You can find that tip here.
5. Make the beginning and end rhyme
Write your speech first, and then take another good look at the end and the beginning. And make a connection if you can.
Everything then falls into place for your feeling. Your audience gets the idea that they have listened to a 'complete story'. That completion feels like a kind of ribbon around the package of your funeral speech. Cabaret artists also do this. At the end of the performance, they return to the theme that they set at the beginning.
You can do that in the following ways:
- Use exactly the same words at the end as you started with, and add a conclusion to that
- Let the text or poem with which you start also sound at the end
- Give the answer at the end to the question with which you started your speech
For all the ins and outs of writing a good funeral speech, look here.
Don't forget: submit your speech for personal feedback. That is also possible last-minute. It only costs 65,- including VAT.